physically,mentallly n emotionally scarred. (bobanda_g) wrote,
physically,mentallly n emotionally scarred.
bobanda_g

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i dont know whats wrong with me ...

for the past couple months i've changed a lil bit.im still
the same person and do the same things but i cant talk to no1.
i keep to myself, i cry sumtimes for no reason, i pretend
that im happy so no1 notices it.when i say "cant talk to no1",
i cant talk about how im feeling inside.it hurts so bad.
my own best friend,niki, we talk about everythingg i mean
everything you know but i cant even talk to him about this.
maybe cuz hes a guy and he wouldnt understand? No its not that.
Lona,Linda and Maria, my best girl friends ... they dont even know.
its not that i feel embarassed but i just cant.everytime i try to
i just start to cry and then im not able to talk about it. i mean
i've told them 4 alil bout why i've been like this but i just
cant tell them everything. when i told niki, he didnt really have much
to say.maybe cuz hes never been in this situation or he doesnt know what
to do. same w/ lona,linda & maria.i told them and they say "oh we're here
for u if u need to talk" .. i understand that but they just keep repeating
the same things.am i selfish or something?i dont know

i feel sad, bored, hurt, angry.
1st Reason... is inside my family.my dad all he does is work & soccer for the past
month.up til the last month, my dad was the kind of dad who would take us to the park,
for some ice cream, the beach all the time, played bball and soccer w/ us and etc. he was
diff i guess u can say from the older dads.yeah we had r lil arguments cuz i wanted to go sumwhere
but i couldnt, thats normal.but for the past month he works til late n the days he dont
hes at soccer.hes alil more PMSing lol. i dunno i still love him.my mom,dont even get me started.
i mean i love her and shes so cool,all my friends thinks both my parents r cool and they are but
they dont understand.i actually told her about this before,well at least tried too,she felt bad
and u know we both cried.the next day she acted as if nothing ever happened. i dont know if she doesnt
know what to do or she doesnt care or shes just scared.my sister ... i dont even like her lol.
no way do we come from the same family.my brother is fine.my babii ahh lumi,i love him.BUT...
im like his mother no joke.i mean of course ill watch my bro when my parents cant or there at work
but i watch him all the time.i love him but i need a life outside my family you know.

2nd Reason... Friends
i love my friends, well most of them.theres 2 certain friends of mine who, the more I get
to no them/talk to them, they just get on my nerves.one of them is just so into herself.
shes a casual dresser,(jeans,cute top,nice shoes,purse)right,well she "never" scrubs.
when she does, what does she always complain about .. "i feel like a bum"...im sorry
u dont like to scrub. oh and heres another thing,the only reason she dresses nice is
cuz she wants to win best dress for senior mock elections.GET OVER URSELF !! she says im
one of her best friends but yet she doesnt talk to me about anything and it seems like
she doesnt care.oh well.now my other friend...very moody girl.one min shes happy,the next
shes hyper,the next shes mad...gets very annoying.i dont feel like talking about this
reason nomore, it just bugs me

3rd Reason ... =[


but yeah i dont know what to do . im so depressed about everything.
i want to be happy but i just cant.maybe im just going threw a "MID LIFE CRISIS"
who knows.but its been like this for over a year now,its gettin to me so bad.
i mean people keep telling me "oh things just take time". the more time i spend
depressed, the worse i get.im getting so tired. =/

my own best friends dont even notice it.you no how that one saying goes...
best friends see the hurt in there eyes.sure dont work in my case.they no
sumthing wrong but i say no ... oh next subject. i guess ... i dont know.
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