...cuz Life is hard itll leave u
...cuz Life is hard itll leave u [entries|friends|calendar]
physically,mentallly n emotionally scarred.

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August 13th, 2005
9:21 PM]
[ mood | happy ]

its been awhile cuz i got addicted to "myspace" .. anyways this summer
has been pretty damn good.um i had surgery the 13th. it was pretty scary.
i was suppose to get out that day but i had trouble breathing so of
course i ddnt.for the next week my ass was on the couch and nowhere else.
went to the beach with lona and linda on my BDAy woop woop =]dat following
friday me,maria,tony,mark,his cuzin and joseph all went to the Sterling Fest.
it was funnnn.joseph is madly infatuated with his hair i learned lmao. mark
had an albo girl staring him down like a american freakin eagle. hahaha. i past my
road test .. YESSSSS IM DRIVING NOW. i had to miss pepi's graduation party =[
of course evry1 else went. joe J. neesd to bak off and leave me alone AHHH.but
he's cool. i've been hanging out with lINDA AND LONA alotttttt, almost evryday or
actually everyday =]. mariaa tooo but not as much.anywho ill be bak later



July 9th, 2005
9:30 PM]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

4th of July weekendd ...

Monday i went to starbucks with Niki n we talked bout few things.
Thursday i went to marias the whole day.she drove n she ddnt take segment 2 lmao
dat was fun.we saw niki n talked for a few.
Friday i went shopping all day with mah momma,sister & maria for while.EXPRESS
had the hugest sale and so did LIMITED .. i got a lot of capri's & tanks.bought
some shoes n accessories.
Saturday morning we left for up north with Martin & Nik's family.we got there & went straight into the pool. =]
it was pretty kool.later on we went riding around to see if they had anything to do
and of course we find this OUTDOOR "dave & busters" look alike.we chilled there for
couple hrs then we ate.
Sunday was pretty much the same thing but we watched fireworks and had out lil bon
Monday we left back home.
Thursday nothing really but watch "Hide & Seek" - good moovie
Friday/SAturday ... BBQ/POOL PARTY

.... Pashko's engagement partyy Sundayy !!

Mah Bday is in 21 days .. YESSSS
... i really wanna IPod LOL


feelin betterr [Tuesday
June 21st, 2005
3:12 PM]
[ mood | content ]

... the whole "depression" stage is still here but i go in and out of it.i cant control the way i feel.i thnk ever since wha happened last feb, things changed dramatically.ive been over it awhile now,almost a year but i just want it back in my life.hopefully one day soon, i realized i have
to stop running after it and just let it come to me. :/

i just hope everything gets better because everythings changing and
so are people.

i think i'm just goin threw a mid-life TEEN crisis loll

1 month and 10 days til my 17th BDay Wooop Wooopp :) JULY 31st
14 days til Maria's sweet 16 =] JULY 5th


feelin a lil poetic [Thursday
June 16th, 2005
3:26 PM]
[ mood | blank ]

Love knows no reasons. Love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons. Love has no eyes. Love is not blind; it sees but it doesn't mind. Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. Love is so easy to feel, so hard to explain; easy to get, so hard to let go; easy to spell, so hard to define.

Yet, everyone is still taking the risks. Love is a feeling that's seen in one's eyes. Love is the sight of the sunset and sunrise. Love is the joy that make people smile. Love is the pain that makes people cry. To love is to feel the other so dear. To the point you taste his or her tears. Love doesn't seek what's not there. Love accepts all pains to bear. Love that doesn't die is love that we can't see. Love will fly if you held it too lightly; yet it will die if you held it too tightly. In words, love can be read. In actions, love can be measured. But others don't know that even in silence love can be heard. The meaning of love is inexplicable. It can't be described similarly by everyone; but one thing's for sure, love begins with; friends lang kami. Love is created not by words but by feelings; not by humans but by hearts; it is better expressed in deeds than in words. For love has no definition, it exists. Never expect love to be always at its best because if you do, you will never appreciate its existence. Remember that there will always be one true love for you to have and hold. It may not be one you expect but it's the one you deserve. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you to give you joy and strength, but sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Love works in magical ways but never be fooled by the promise of forever. There will come a time when the spark will die and when that time comes, we must learn to let go no matter how painful. Love can never be wrong; it's the people, time and place that go wrong. Learn from your mistakes; don't correct a mistake with another one. In the course of love, ones heart must be brave; brave enough to hold on when things do wrong and brave enough to let go when they realize that things are not meant to be. Love can never be forced or created if it was never meant to be there at all nor can be destroyed if it was destined to survive. Love may leave your heart like a shattered glass but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again. There's always pain and disappointment when falling in love, but continue sharing your love cause the more you love, the more you'll get to know yourself, cause every person you love becomes your reflection. Let love be the guide to your dreams, let love be the light to your heart; let your love be the reason why somebody else's heart still continuous to beat. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive; not how you listen but how you understand; not what you see but what you feel; and not how you let go but how you hold on. Letting go of someone you truly love is hard but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you're weak. It only means that you're strong enough to let go. If you love someone, set him free. If he comes back, he's yours. If he doesn't, he never was. It really hurts to love someone who doesn't give you the time of day, but what will hurt more is when you realize that someone whom you don't give the time of day loved you and gave it up because you loved someone else. Love is a contradiction. It's hard to find but easy to lose; makes you feel good but hurts you so bad; opens your eyes but makes you blind; fills up your heart but tears it apart. Love is like air and you can't see it but you can feel it. True love doesn't have an ending because it won't end anyway. Loving people means giving them the freedom to be who they choose to be and where they choose to be. Love is allowing people in your life to make choices. Love is a noble act of self giving, offering your trust, faith and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of you; yet you don't become less of who you are, you just end up being complete. Love need not stand in front of us to be recognized. If it's far for the eyes to see, it has power close enough for the heart to feel. If you want a butterfly, don't run after it. Instead, sit down and it will surely land on your palm when it needs some rest. That's how I found love. People can't define what love really is unless they've feel it.


June 11th, 2005
5:05 PM]
[ mood | depressed ]

i dont know whats wrong with me ...

for the past couple months i've changed a lil bit.im still
the same person and do the same things but i cant talk to no1.
i keep to myself, i cry sumtimes for no reason, i pretend
that im happy so no1 notices it.when i say "cant talk to no1",
i cant talk about how im feeling inside.it hurts so bad.
my own best friend,niki, we talk about everythingg i mean
everything you know but i cant even talk to him about this.
maybe cuz hes a guy and he wouldnt understand? No its not that.
Lona,Linda and Maria, my best girl friends ... they dont even know.
its not that i feel embarassed but i just cant.everytime i try to
i just start to cry and then im not able to talk about it. i mean
i've told them 4 alil bout why i've been like this but i just
cant tell them everything. when i told niki, he didnt really have much
to say.maybe cuz hes never been in this situation or he doesnt know what
to do. same w/ lona,linda & maria.i told them and they say "oh we're here
for u if u need to talk" .. i understand that but they just keep repeating
the same things.am i selfish or something?i dont know

i feel sad, bored, hurt, angry.
1st Reason... is inside my family.my dad all he does is work & soccer for the past
month.up til the last month, my dad was the kind of dad who would take us to the park,
for some ice cream, the beach all the time, played bball and soccer w/ us and etc. he was
diff i guess u can say from the older dads.yeah we had r lil arguments cuz i wanted to go sumwhere
but i couldnt, thats normal.but for the past month he works til late n the days he dont
hes at soccer.hes alil more PMSing lol. i dunno i still love him.my mom,dont even get me started.
i mean i love her and shes so cool,all my friends thinks both my parents r cool and they are but
they dont understand.i actually told her about this before,well at least tried too,she felt bad
and u know we both cried.the next day she acted as if nothing ever happened. i dont know if she doesnt
know what to do or she doesnt care or shes just scared.my sister ... i dont even like her lol.
no way do we come from the same family.my brother is fine.my babii ahh lumi,i love him.BUT...
im like his mother no joke.i mean of course ill watch my bro when my parents cant or there at work
but i watch him all the time.i love him but i need a life outside my family you know.

2nd Reason... Friends
i love my friends, well most of them.theres 2 certain friends of mine who, the more I get
to no them/talk to them, they just get on my nerves.one of them is just so into herself.
shes a casual dresser,(jeans,cute top,nice shoes,purse)right,well she "never" scrubs.
when she does, what does she always complain about .. "i feel like a bum"...im sorry
u dont like to scrub. oh and heres another thing,the only reason she dresses nice is
cuz she wants to win best dress for senior mock elections.GET OVER URSELF !! she says im
one of her best friends but yet she doesnt talk to me about anything and it seems like
she doesnt care.oh well.now my other friend...very moody girl.one min shes happy,the next
shes hyper,the next shes mad...gets very annoying.i dont feel like talking about this
reason nomore, it just bugs me

3rd Reason ... =[

but yeah i dont know what to do . im so depressed about everything.
i want to be happy but i just cant.maybe im just going threw a "MID LIFE CRISIS"
who knows.but its been like this for over a year now,its gettin to me so bad.
i mean people keep telling me "oh things just take time". the more time i spend
depressed, the worse i get.im getting so tired. =/

my own best friends dont even notice it.you no how that one saying goes...
best friends see the hurt in there eyes.sure dont work in my case.they no
sumthing wrong but i say no ... oh next subject. i guess ... i dont know.

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June 1st, 2005
2:37 PM]
[ mood | awake ]

Nikollas concert was BADD ASSS

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May 28th, 2005
2:12 PM]
[ mood | excited ]

friday-well lets see...went to skool and it was the senior's last day of skool !! every hour was intense by the hall to get intothe forum,cuz of course thats where the senior lockers are at.flora gave me some pics to scan,pretty funny haha.lindaaa got a hug fromm Kleeenna .. lmaoo and she gave Kleena the present lmao funny funny.talked to maria for alil bit.

after skool came home finding 6 kids, my baba and my teza there lol.
round 5ish went to Oakland mall, there was nothing.so we went bak up to
Lakeside to find a dress for Nikki's confirmation.i bought an outfit for the nikolla concert, ( HOPEFULLY GOING ) !!
then we went to Lisa's rest.,we ate and blah. then went to
Donny's to get the digital camera for the weekend.


i havent talked to my bestestest friend,nikiiii, in 2 days...
he's gonna kill me =/. and he has his cuzins wedding Sat !

oh yeah and i talked to martin dis week,kikis lil boy haha,
and leonn .. dat was kool.

everyones getting all geeked for this weekend !!

XoXo =]


May 22nd, 2005
11:15 PM]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

too much to remember but umm i worked monday and wed...prettyy funn with vicki and patti and sarah and jenn ... but alil boring.

allergy testing killsss.18 needles on each arm (owwiiee).i go to skool and sum dushbags of course from ford ... ask "r those needles form heroine" .. NO moronns.i had bumps for 3 days.i find out im allergic to MOLD in foods,so basically im lactose and tolerant.go figure.
umm rentedd movies .. white noise:baddass movie
and a few others.
cuzins form NY came on friday and spent the night.sat had a bbq dinner of course.

i dunno ill update more next time....bye =]

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May 11th, 2005
9:12 PM]
[ mood | energetic ]

woohoo i got a jobbbb withh lisaaa =]

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May 8th, 2005
10:02 AM]
[ mood | cheerful ]


Click to get a better view of your future...


i love shopping



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May 3rd, 2005
7:31 PM]
[ mood | dorky ]

The last couple of weeks have been pretty fun besides the fact I have a really abd memory!Firday- went to school.afterr skool made plans with maria to come over and watch movies :) with lona and linda.maria came but lona/linda couldnt cuz they had cuzins over, damnit.we watched Blade Trinity and Taxi...very good movies.Sat-did pretty much nothing besides chill with some cuzins and aunts.Sun-umm watched my babi brother and chilled.
I find out Nikolla w/ Bashkimi are throwing a Memorial Party..very excited with 3453453 other people.but alsoo theres a AASO party and a Leka D/Liria/Rinia party And Church Pizza Party all in 1 month,pretty crazy.hahahh today,Tue,i had a peer mediation meeting thing at the IRC.we didnt have to go to any of our classes :).it was pretty clue,kind of a blow off day.but we came bak to skool for the last 20 mins.10 mins past by and Laura finds a string.she ties one lock,off of a locker,across to the next lockkers lock.so of course we thuoght it was funny.then she goes to one of her classes and gets a yarnball.so what Laura,Riva,Tereze,Shai and I do is tie more locks to eachother.in our locker area,instead of tieing them acorss,we tied them diagonally to the lockers lmao.people pass by and start laughing.bell rings!everyone start laughing and trying to get threw lmao.it was pretty funny.but yeah thats about it.pepi got in a car accident =[ ,its good that hes okay =]but yeah im done.


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April 24th, 2005
5:07 PM]
[ mood | blah ]

The night was dreary and the rain came down
She said "Lets go for a ride away from town"
All thru the ride she had nothing to say
It was almost as if something stood in her way
Then suddenly it came, out of the blue
"My parents said I have to break up w/ u"
"I'm sorry" she said.. "I cant pretend"
"My parents said our love must end"
She took off his ring* as tears came from his eyes
At the same time, the fear of losing her began to arise
With tears threatening to fall, he held them back
As he unconsciously parked the car* on a railroad track
He wrote something on a piece of paper
He held her hand and said "Read it later"
He alwayz wished they would never part
He said in a sad voice, "You just broke my heart"
She opened the door and walked out into the rain
Thats when she saw the lights of the train
Realizing too late what she had sighted
With a blink of an eye, metal collided
All she could see was blood running red
And someone saying, "I'm sorry..He's dead"
The ambulance sounded like an agony cry
Then she read the paper and it said "Without you, I'd die"

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April 18th, 2005
1:59 PM]
[ mood | awake ]

i've been sick for the past 4 days now,fever/cold...it sucks.friday i had school,it was okay.i was suppose to watch a movie with lona & linda but my no one was here to watch joe joe besides me.so i just rented "AmnityVille Horror"-old version,it was pretty goodd.i rented "suspect zero",it was gay lol.saturday i was suppose to go to tonys wedding,but nope i was sick.i was so maddddd.i ended up staying home laying in bed/watching movies.also CIA is back in business =].haahha nikii.sunday i didnt do much,was sick so i couldnt do much.had some cousins from Cali stop by for awhile.i had a lot of thinking to do actually.thats about it though.today i ahd a ortho appt this morning.they put thicker wires in =X.came home watched joe joe while mom went to sleep.i cleaned this whole house upside down,while i'm sick ... let's just say im multi-talented :)

summmmerr is coming =]


April 17th, 2005
9:35 PM]
[ mood | sick ]

1)What time are you starting this?: 9:35
2)Name?: Amanda
3) Date of birth?: 7-31-88
4) Sex?: Female
5) Height?:5*9
6) Eye color?:Light Brown
7) Hair color?: Brown
8) Location? Michhhh
9) Where were you born?: no ... NY
10) Have you ever failed a grade?: nope
11) If you have, what grade did you fail?:--
12) Do you have crush on someone?: nope

13) Do you have a bf/gf?: no
14) If so, what is their name:--
15) How long have you been together?: --
16) What are you wearing right now?: bebe scrub pants/dads white shirt
17) Would you have sex before marriage?: nope
18) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: Mr Cusmanoooo
19) Are you a virgin?: yes
20) Do you smoke?: nope
21) Do you drink?: no
23) Are you a player?: noo
24) What are your favorite colors?: blue

25) What is your favorite animal(s)?: rabbits/parrots
26) Do you have any birthmarks?: no
27) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: no
028) Who are your best friends?: niki,lona/linda,maria
29) Have you ever beat someone up?: noo
30) Who do you talk to most on the phone?: nikii
31) Have you ever been slapped?: no
32) Do you get online a lot?: sumtimes
33) Are you shy or outgoing?: outgoing
34) Do you shower?: like 2 times a day
35) Do you hate school?: nah
36) Do you have a social life?: oh yea
37) How easily do you trust people? not to easily
38) Have you ever lied to your bestfriends?: dont recall
39) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: prolly hahaha
40) Would you ever sky dive?: yes
41) Do you like to dance?: yes
68) Have you ever been out of state?: yes
69) Do you like to travel?: oh yeah
70) Have you ever been expelled from school?: no
71) Have you ever been suspended from school?: no
71) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: sumtimes
72) Are you spoiled?: eh sumtimes
73) Are you a brat?: nope
74) Have you ever been dumped?: no
75) Have you ever gotten high?: noo
76) What's your favorite drink?: grape juice
77) Do you like Snapple?: oh yea
78) Do you drink a lot of water?: ehh
79) What toothpaste do you use: colgate
80) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: cell phone
81) Do you have a curfew?: i dunnoo

82) Who do you look up to?: mommaa =]
83) Are you a role model?: umm maybe
85) What name brand do you wear the most?: Diesel

86) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: always a cross necklace,watches,bracelets
87) What do you have pierced?: nothing actually
88) What do you want pierced?: ears
89) Do you like taking pictures?: yes just none of me :)
90) Do you like getting your picture taken?: nope
91) Do you have a tan?: yea
92) Do you get annoyed easily?: yea
93) Have you ever started a rumor?:no
94) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: yes
95) Do you have your own pool?: no
96) Do you have any siblings?: 2 bros, 1 sis
97) Do you prefer boxers or briefs? loll i dunno
98) Have you ever been played?: no
99) Have you ever played anyone?: no
100) Do you get along with your parents?: yeaa
102) How do you vent your anger?: pretty bad lol
103) Have you ever run away?: nope

104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: yea haha
105) Do you even have a job?: yea
106) Do you daydream a lot?: sumtimes
107) Do you have a lot of ex's?: nope
108) Do you run your mouth?: no
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: nothing really
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: none
111) What are your favorite flowers?: roses
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like: ---
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: ---
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: noo
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: i dunno
116) Are you rude?: nope
117) What was the last compliment you received?: umm i 4got lol
118) Do you like getting dirty?: hahahaha no
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: innie
120) Are you flexible?: noo
121) A. What is your heritage?: ALBANIAN
121) B. If you actually read this entire thing I will make love to you: WHAT?!
122) What is your lucky number?: 7 & 11
123) What does your hair look like right now?: curly,tied up
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: noo
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: when i was 15
126) Describe your looks: i do have a pictrail =]
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: no thanks
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?:
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: yess
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: i dun think ive ever been drunk
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: never have !
132) Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: get a life
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: nope
136) Do you have one now?: nopw
137) How many rings until you answer the phone? as my best friends say "you have a problem,you never answer your fone" loll
138) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: noo
139) If yes, when was the last time?: ---
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: father lol
141) Do you cry a lot?: umm sumtimes
142) Do you ever cry to get your way?: noo
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be: i dunno
144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: "fag"
145) Are you the romantic type?: can be
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: no
147) What do you like most about your body?: dunno
148) What do you like least about your body?: thighs
150) When was the last time you threw up?: sumtime in the winter
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: brunettes
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: black diesels
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: no
154) What about cleavage?: sumtimes
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: i think loll
156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: no
157) Have you ever been fucked up?: no
158) What color are your underwear right now?: nasty
159) What theme does your room have?: noneee
160) What size shoe do you wear?: 9 1/2-10
161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: my cross necklace maria got me for Xmas =]
162) What is your screen name on AIM?: itsamanduhhh
163) Would you pick a wedgie in public?:nooooo
164) How are you feeling right now?: happy/mad
165) When was the last time you were at a party?: never unless there family ones lol
166) Have you ever given a lapdance?: noo
167) What do you sleep in?: things
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: no
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: im sensitive
170) What is one of your good qualities?: trusting
171) Would you marry for money?: nope
172) What do you drive?: umm couple cars
173) Have you ever given or received head?: noooo
174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: umm mamas
175) What does your lj username mean?: my nickname
176) What's your favorite lj to read?: dunno
177) When was the last time you cried in school?: last year i think
178) Do you wear Chucks?: wha
179) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy?: nope
180) What time are you finishing this?: 9:49


April 10th, 2005
11:34 PM]
[ mood | tired ]

ummm long weekend but fun.THURSADAY maria & linda came over ! it was a lotta funnnn.we walked round tilch for awhile then went to the elementary park.we swung on the swings and we tried to see tho went the highest hehe.we saw my sis' and lindas brothers friends there. we went to say HI ! so we decided to steal their ball and play sum ball ourselves.lmao johnnie hes 8 and hes like "ill take u 3" . maria and i beat linda johnnie =].but johnnie quit cuz we scratched him,pushed him andd poked his eye haha . thenn we walked back to my house.linda and i ran away from maria hahaha.we chilled for alil bit and played with joe joe.talked to nikii andd other ppl online.das bout it for that night
FRIDAY went to school.came home and made plans with lona and liza.maria couldnt come cuz she had a bday parrty...loser.chilled for awhile.later went to blockbuster with lona and linda.picked 2 movies.went bak to my place and watch one movie,pretty good. they left andd tlaked online with a few people.
SATURDAY my aunts came over and few of my other cuzins.had a bbq dinner,it was fun.talked to a few people.was suppose to haev another movie night with londa and linda and maria but linda was sick and they had gotten in late =[.
SUNDAY basically nothing!


Cuz i aint no holla back girl [Wednesday
March 30th, 2005
6:10 PM]
[ mood | bored ]

Hey it's Nicoletta
a.k.a Amanda's sister =)
Just cheakin this bad boy out ;-)
hope ya like it fag ..
-x0xx0x- Much <33

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